Matchmaker, Matchmaker...

I dunno how my sims' lives became so focused around finding mates.  Maybe it's because I had two children growing up at about the same time I was tiring of their mother's spouse.

Since I've never been the type of simmer to simply run up to the first good-looking sim I see and pin them down with interactions until they marry me, it tends to be a long, drawn-out process of meeting and dating which leaves plenty of room for hijinks.  Because the hijinks are what make the game worth playing.

Now that mother and older brother are out of the house, the time's come to find somebody for young Lorelei.  Evil, mad, yet somehow strangely charming Lorelei.

After visiting the town's matchmaker (Woohooer mod feature tied to the spa.  Try it!) I determined that none of the available men in town were worth her time.  But there were a few girls worth chasing.

So I picked out the topmost-listed girl who wasn't a service NPC - a girl named Lisa that Lorelei'd known since grade school, and commenced wooing.

She's a cute, punky little thing.  The matchmaker was right, and Lorelei found herself quickly smitten.

She's fun to nibble on, too.

Unfortunately, the matchmaker doesn't know the difference between "attractive" and "a good idea."

Turns out Lisa's a real firecracker, and not in a good way.

Hot-headed thing would turn around out of nowhere and commence with screaming.  Dates were ruined by this, because she'd throw a temper tantrum over nothing and then storm away in a huff.

Worse still, she'd flake on dates entirely.  Over and over she "didn't feel like it right now", and I'd look at the map and find she was just hanging out in the park doing nothing in particular.

So I went out to the park where she was doing nothing in particular to see what's up.

Yep, another shouting match.

Clearly this isn't going to work.  It is not worth going outside during the day for this nonsense.

(Cue more shouting.)

Okay, you know what?  Nobody treats a member of my family like that and gets away with it.  Time to try out a little toy I've been saving for just such an occasion...

Lisa tried to run away, but it was too late.

Let's see what happens when I....

Oh, very nice!

And what about... this?

Perrrrfect.

I think I have a new favorite toy.

And the best part is, using it doesn't decrease their relationship one bit.  Lisa was still up for a quick bite after her ordeal.

Muahaha!  Who's awesome?

But it didn't solve the fact that a life without someone special to woo and woohoo is no fun at all.

Since the matchmaker's suggestion didn't pan out, it was time to employ a little research and common sense.

Research is Lorelei's specialty, after all.  She's an up-and-coming young scientist destined for great and terrible things.

Common sense, however, is not really her thing.  She prefers madness.  Hey!  There's an idea.  Lorelei's cowoker there is also as mad as hatter.  ..And also has fantastic taste in hats.

And, according to Story Progression, is into girls.

I wonder how this would go...

(Rflong, please don't hate me... You have to admit... The HATS!)

Goes pretty well, actually.

Really well.

I think this one might be a keeper.

You invite me to your house party and I'm the only guest?  I see how it is, then...

This one's perfect.  No snubbing on dates, no surprise temper tantrums.  They're both Insane - they can talk madness and conspiracy theories all day long.

And I've never seen anyone so thrilled to be on an elevator before..

Though maybe not the best choice in elevators.  Exhibitionists, much, ladies?

Old Lady in the Red Jacket did NOT approve of their public shenanigans, by the way.

I know just the thing for her...

Look!  Over there!  Another couple acting indecently in public!

HAH!  Now, you're mine to contr-

-oh.

"Now, look here young missy!"

It seems Lorelei is figuring out this whole "love" business pretty well, but she still needs a few lessons in successful villainy.

Oh well!  She's young.  She'll learn!